Stupid food pop-up concepts that London will soon invent

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If you are already wondering where all the “proper” restaurants have gone in the capital, then we have bad news for you: there are likely to be even more silly pop-ups and so-called street food parlours rearing their heads in London town in the near future. We run down some of the stupidest suggestions that could eventually be given the green light.

Monster Mash

Mashed potato is a British classic, so Monster Mash is sure to fit right in alongside Pieminister. This concept will take our love for the fluffy white stuff to the max by offering 87 different flavours and a range of colours to offset the rather drab meat and veg to which we are accustomed. A selection of the dishes of the day would include goji berry mash and calf’s blood. Sure to be a unique experience for everyone.

Flat Pop-up

Everyone loves the taste of two-week-old pop don’t they? Well, anyway, Flat Pop-up would serve up the flattest coke in town for your pleasure. Perfect for when you don’t want the crisp fuzziness of a freshly opened can or bottle.

Pea S, I Love You

The humble pea is very versatile and could form the basis for a candlelit restaurant in the run up to Valentine’s Day. There would be a range of pea platters to chow down on, complete with a dizzying array of textures. Whether you like bashed, mashed, mushed or crushed, “Pea S, I Love You” would cater for your needs. For those on the go, a marrowfat sandwich would be on offer, along with a side of classic mushy peas and a pea beverage.

The Hoof Café

The Hoof Café specialises in all of the best qualities and variants of animal feet. Trotters are known to be particularly tasty, but there is also room for hooves and claws. These key ingredients add a twist to classics such as porridge and soup, and can be added by request to desserts for that oft-needed savoury and sweet taste.

Sweeney Todd’s Jellied Eels Parlour

Millennials may not be aware of London’s long-standing tradition of eel pies, but the upmarket parlour would bring the traditional dish into the 21st century with a unique range of freshwater offerings. The show stopper is the vodka mix, which features jellied eels in a large artisan jug.

The Lozenge Lounge

Brands such as Lemsip and Strepsils are sadly consigned to dusty shelves in local pharmacies, but the Lozenge Lounge would finally bring a wider appreciation of their subtle flavors. These softcore medicines can be mixed with cocktails, for example. You will never look the same way at a piña colada again. It’s also possible to add a shot of Calpol into the mix for a syrupy and deliciously sweet finisher.

Lovage Lair

Never heard of lovage? Many people haven’t either, which makes Lovage Lair all the more important as it shines a light on the underappreciated perennial plant. Every dish at the lair comes with a loaded side of lovage, plus a handy how-to guide detailing how it can be eaten as a veg and grated for use at home in salads. It’s food and educational, all-in-one.

Pop-Tart Madness

We hazard a guess that there is already a Pop-Tart pop-up somewhere in London, but this one would be a little different, as the name implies. Not content with merely handing over a slab of hot and sticky goodness, Pop-Tart Madness uses the tarts as a base for savoury snacks. Cheese is a particular favourite here, as is meat and gravy.

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